There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You are the jesus of drinking
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
