I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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