fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
