You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
