i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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