how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize