The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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