I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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