Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
