If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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