hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize