You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize