I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
