I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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