True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you inspire me to be a worse person
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
