I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
