you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
