I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
