Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
