No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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