Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
