Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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