Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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