I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
