hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize