but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Found the puke drawer
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
