i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
