I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
