sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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