Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
