i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
