i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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