I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They have beer where we have blood.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
