i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
