I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
this is an emotional support booty call
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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