Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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