Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
