I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
