I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
