You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
