stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
