FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
