I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
