i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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