Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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