guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Its about making memories worth repressing
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So many bounce houses so little time
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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