You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
whose parrot is this?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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