No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize