Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
