and you said cock pushups were impossible
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
