I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
