At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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