Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
