Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Small penises have feelings too.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
