help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
