Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
