I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
