Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
