someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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