My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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