Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
