please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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