2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
