You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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