tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
