She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
