D3 body, D1 cock
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
