She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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